Many parents want to talk with their children about sexuality but want some ideas on how to handle questions and situations that come up in day to day life (also known as Teachable Moments).
One tool that some have found useful for dealing with such questions and situations is the L-A-S-T formula.
(L)ISTEN actively; what's going on here; is there a question behind the question? Why is this going on; why is this being asked now?
(A)SK the child what he/she thinks the answer is; ask them what they think about the situation; this will give you more information to figure out where the child is coming from.
(S)ORT out your emotions; sort out what message you want to give; sort out your role (are other children present?).
(T)ALK, only now, with RESPECT, at the child's level; don't make fun of their questions and concerns.
Try it out. Take the following question or situation or one of your own, and go through each step.
How will the baby in Mrs. Brown's belly get out of there?
Things to consider before answering:
(L)isten - is this a straight forward "how" question, or is the child worried about Mrs. Brown, or the baby?
(A)sk the child what he/she thinks. Children often already have a theory, or have heard something somewhere and they are checking it out.
(S)ort out your emotions. If this is upsetting you because it's being asked out loud in church or you are very busy getting kids ready for the school bus, it would be easy to snap at the child. He/she may not realize the reasons, and assume that you cannot handle such subjects. If he/she gets that idea, it could be the beginning of the child finding alternate sources of information.
(S)ort out your message. You may want to consider the following:
(T)alk with respect, at a childs level. Give simple messages such as, "I am happy you asked me this question." Do not turn it into a long lecture, or the child may not ask you another question.
Question #2
What does date rape mean?
(L)isten - where did the question come from - TV? - News? - Friends? Are there underlying fears here?
(A)sk - the child what he/she thinks; where did he/she hear about this; what are friends saying about this?
(S)ort - out your emotions. are you in a panic because you think you don't know the answer, or you think "oh no! it's starting!" or angry or afraid that someone else introduced the concept before you had a chance?; or distressed because it raises personal isues for you? These are all common reactions, but remember, this is a teachable moment, a time to show your child that yes, you do want to know what his/her worries and questions are, and you do want communication to last.
(S)ort - out your message - a question like this can be the opportunity to relay at least ten different messages. Apart from the most important one " I am glad you feel that you can come to me with this type of question." Choose the one other message that you think is most important to give at this time, given the additional information your child has given you.
(T)alk now, with respect, at a childs level. Give simple messages such as, "I am happy you asked me this question." Do not turn it into a long lecture, or the child may not ask you another question.